Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Living with OCD #tourettestuesday

So one of the biggest problems with Tourettes is the piggybacking disorders. You have to contend with  all of the problems with the tics and everything and then you have to battle with two other disorders. I have ADHD and OCD and I can tell you that when I'm having a bad day with my TS I feel my OCD and ADHD so much more.

I know from experience how bad OCD can be. When my sister died my world was torn apart. And it seemed like it took forever for my life to come back to me. My OCD wasn't in hand washing and stuff it came from watching television. I started by watching all of the shows that my sister and I would watch together and then it was about watching all of my favorite shows and having everything put right. The volume had to be put in exactly the right place, it had be on exactly the same channel each time, and if it ever changed my world started spinning and the anxiety started to kill me. Sometimes I couldn't breathe.

And when I hit it hard I hit hard. At one point for a school assignment I had to log how many hours or television I was watching for a week. I came back and found out that I was watching about forty hours a week.  In other words I was still going to college for eight hours a day but still logging in as many hours of TV as if it was my full time job. It was then that I had one of those moments of clarity where I realized that my routine that got me through 4 years of highschool was killing me through college and I just couldn't do it anymore.

They way I explain OCD is maintaining a ritual that keeps the "gremlins" at bay.  You know that technically that can't happen but the anxiety gets so real that you feel that if you're suffering so hard there has to be a real reason. You have to keep to a routine and keep something exactly the same way or then that anxiety hits you and you start to panic and the world won't be right until you get back on the routine again. It took me years to help cope with some of my OCD and I still struggle with it now. But it's loving the life outside of your routine that helps you let go.

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